I’ve been needing to do hours of self-reflection every day just to integrate the lessons I’ve been given nonstop in the last few months. The curriculum in the school of life is very demanding and time consuming but filled with exhilarating connections and mystery. This is why I need to slow down my goal-oriented drive. All that goal setting and reaching can drown out the subtle messages. Lately, I sit in stillness and my pen can barely keep up with the learning. I’ve never cried for this many days before. It feels wonderful.
The more I learn the more I’m in awe of this weird thing we’re doing called life. I see my own patterns of repetition that go back generations. I am confused by the depth of connection I feel to people I don’t even really know that well. I wonder at subconscious drives behind some of my unconscious behaviors. I recognize my tendencies, defense mechanisms, and triggers. I have to write it all down before I forget again, or get so busy I drown it out. Hunter gatherers had it right, all we need or can really handle is a few hours of work everyday. Our lives and our hearts demand too much of our time and attention for these 40 hour workweeks.
But now I’ll do what I always do. Put the brakes on my learning to go feed myself, walk my dog, answer emails, make appointments and dances. It’s really not so bad.